he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Pants are for mortals
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
