question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
