Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
