dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
