We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize