i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
