just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
