my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
