Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize