Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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