He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
