as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
