You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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