i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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