We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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