The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
