i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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