Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
