oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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