I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize