I must be too annoying 4 u.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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