I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
