8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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