dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
