she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
birth control should be required to get into college
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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