dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
