I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
