This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
