Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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