I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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