she looked like the before picture.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
