where am i from again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize