if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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