I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
