dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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