U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
