I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
