All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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