i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
time to smoke my breakfast
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
