One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
