nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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