summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
