Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
