So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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