i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I party with great urgency now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
