I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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