Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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