Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
