i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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