Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
