He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
