Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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