Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
