I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
