you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Someone signed my nipple.
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