im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
