so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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