That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
