don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
