Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize