Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize