ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
