he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
