and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
