i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
