I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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